Q&A with Jennifer Soos: Aspiring Therapist

Jennifer Soos is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

based out of San Antonio, Texas, and a childhood friend of Monica.

You can find her at www.JenniferSoos.com

​

​
Do you have a question for Jennifer? E-mail it to monicabrantnewsletter@gmail.com
A new question is answered every month!

QUESTION:

What is your experience and recommendation for someone entering the field of therapy who has a passion for it, yet might have unresolved personal "issues" themselves? Is it true that you really encounter your "problems" when dealing with clients?

Aspiring Therapist

ANSWER:

Dear Aspiring Therapist, 

You ask a very important question. There are definitely some critical things to consider when pursuing this kind of profession and also some helpful tips for people who are trying to find the best fit when seeking out their own therapist or other “helping” professional (nurses, trainers, coaches, doctors, social worker, etc.)

The short answer to your question about helping professionals encountering their own issues when working with clients is: Yes, it is quite true. And, let’s face it, therapists are humans, so they ALL have issues. The key here is making sure they have done enough of their own work so any remaining triggers or struggles they might have will stay well out of the way of the client’s work.

Perhaps a better way to answer your question is to tell you what I usually recommend to someone who is seeking a therapist ­ then you will see why your question is so important.

Here are my most common tips when searching for the right therapist:

In addition to the standard recommendations about checking for license status, asking about specialty areas, and finding out about insurance and fees, it is completely reasonable to ask a prospective therapist all kinds of other questions so you can feel confident about working with them.

● I highly recommend that people “shop” for their therapist. Ask around ­ more people have a therapist than you think. Read through the online profiles on the therapy sites and peruse their professional website ­ these things can tell you a lot. “Personality fit” is definitely important, so be willing to talk to or meet with a few before you decide to stick with one and delve into the issues. Trust your instincts here ­ you need to FEEL comfortable.
● Ask them questions upfront about their education. Finding out about their education is not about whether they went to the very, very best school ­ it is simply to make sure they didn’t get an online certificate after 3 months. You want to make sure they attended an accredited school with real­-life, in-­the-­chair experience.
● Beware of anyone who says they specialize “in everything.” That’s not possible. Find someone who can tell you about their specific experience with clients who have similar issues to yours. If you are struggling with anxiety you will be better served by a therapist who has sat with many, many anxious clients rather than a therapist who has spent a decade focused mostly on co­parenting skills with divorced couples. When people call me and say they want help with grief, I immediately offer to them that I draw on both my personal grief journey as well as more than ten years of facilitating grief support groups. I want them to know it is something I have very specific experience with and that I’m quite comfortable offering that particular kind of guidance. The therapist you seek should be able to
do the same for you (and if they can’t, they should offer recommendations for a therapist who can.)
● Most seasoned therapists can tell you pretty clearly what it will look like to work with them ­ whether they give “homework” or not, suggest reading or not, require that you meet weekly or otherwise ­ all things that might give you an idea about whether it will work for you.
● This is a big one: I personally would never, ever, ever recommend or see a therapist who had not been in therapy themselves. Lots of graduate schools require that counseling students be in some form of therapy while completing their degree, so it is a very reasonable thing to ask (and, I would argue, necessary.) A therapist who can talk openly and willingly about their own therapeutic experience will give you the best shot at making sure the therapist’s personal issues don’t get in the way of your work. I often divulge, especially to couples, that I have been in marriage counseling myself. I want them to know that I am not perfect and I’m not asking anything of them I have not also done for my own relationship and that I know how very hard it is. A therapist shouldn’t reveal their deepest, darkest issues to you (that would be a boundary violation) but they should be able to
speak easily about how important their own therapy has been to them.
● If you ever feel criticized or shamed ­ terminate and find a different therapist. Generally, therapists are called to provide “unconditional, positive regard” for those seeking support and that usually means a safe, compassionate environment full of acceptance. (Dr. Carl Rogers) A great, therapeutic relationship can be life­changing, but there is no room in an effective process for shaming or judgment ­ clients should not settle for anything less than a safe space for
transformation. If your experience in therapy is different than that kind of safety, chances are good the therapist did NOT do enough of their own work and it is getting in their way.

I know a lot of therapists ­ some of them very good and some of them, not so much. Unfortunately, just like all professions, there are bad apples out there. In my experience, the very good ones tend to be clinicians who went to experiential graduate programs (rather than just academic programs) and who have
been in and out of therapy most of their adult lives for a variety of things. This does not mean they were broken or horribly dysfunctional, it simply means they value introspection, the process of therapy and seek continual transformation. They believe in the idea that we are all, always, a work in progress. And that is a very good thing.

I would be happy to discuss more specific examples and programs with you as well.

Feel free to contact me via my website jennifersoos.com

Thank you for a great question,
Jennifer Soos, LMFT